When I Look At You
by brucaschopia4evr
Summary: For seven years, he's lived under a false impression. Now when the truth comes to light, how will it affect the rest of his life? Post Season Six.
1. Chapter 1

A cool breeze blew softly. The lights of their quaint town bounced off the river. It was just him and the ball. This was his haven. Basketball was his outlet to go beyond all his problems. Here in the world of the river court suddenly everything felt good.

At least, it was _supposed_ to. It always had.

Not today. Something far greater was taking place in his life that not even the river court could solve.

He twirled the ball in his hands for one final reassurance. Nothing.

Angrily, he threw the ball with fervor. With a thunderous roar, the ball collided with the backboard. Lucas was then met with silence and his problems grew louder in his mind.

Running his hand through his hair, he thought back to when it all went wrong. It all unraveled before he could even process it. But then again, he was surprised it hadn't happened sooner. He had buried it in the depths of heart so long ago that for a while he forgot what it felt like.

_He walked through the front door of his childhood home. Lucas found himself humming as he jiggled his keys. _

"_Peyt, I'm home." He said absentmindedly as he rummaged through the mail left on the kitchen table._

_When he was met with silence, an ominous feeling swept over him. It might sound silly, but in a house with a six month old silence was a rare occurrence._

"_Peyt?" Looking through the house, he made his way down the hallway toward his room. _

_Slowly opening the door, he was met by his wife. Peyton didn't even look up. Instead, he found her sitting over a pile of letters with tears streaming down her face. _

_Lucas didn't even have to think twice to register what the letters contained. And that's when his heart sank. How many "happily" married men keep letters of such significance from their ex girlfriend? An ex-girlfriend who by the way he was supposed to have stopped loving seven years ago. _

"_Peyton." He said weakly as he searched for any words that could change the fallout of what he knew was coming._

"_Don't." Her voice was shaky but her jaw was tense. "Why do you have these?" _

_Good question. _

"_That's not fair. They're important to me. Do I ask you to get rid of your art? Because if I remember correctly you have a few in there of Jake." He's not sure where he thought that point might get him but he didn't know what else he could say._

_She scoffed irritably._

"How can you even compare those two things? All my art shows the progression in my life Luke! It's all my story! But these-" She pauses and shakes the letters wildly in front of his face. "What story do these have Luke? Why are these so important to you?"

_Something inside of him snapped. At the time, he wasn't even sure why, but it didn't stop him._

"_Your arts important to you Peyton? Well, she was important to me! Everyone in this damn town can pretend like she wasn't. Hell even I did. But those letters-" He closed his eyes as he tried to calm down. "Those letters are all that I have left."_

_Peyton narrowed her eyes at him as a fresh tear made its way down her face._

"_And you still need that evidence of you love Luke? You're married. We have a baby. What are you holding onto?"_

"_Stop! I love you. I love Sawyer. I'm here aren't I?" _

"_Yea." She nodded slowly. "You're here. But is there a part of you that's somewhere else?"_

_He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. It was sure as hell the wrong time to have an epiphany, but low and behold here it was. He did love Brooke. After all, if Brooke hadn't broken up with him he intended to live out everything he hoped for with Brooke. He made the decision a long time ago that his heart belonged to the dimpled brunette. But life intervened and she moved on, and in the process he learned to as well. At least, he thought he had._

_Lucas looked at the broken girl standing before him and he thought that he's been in this situation too many times in his life. He loved Peyton and there wasn't a day that went by where he ever doubted that. He married her with every intention in the world to spend his life with her and he still did. She was his life now. Life brought him a new path a long time ago and he took it. He wouldn't leave his wife. Lucas Scott was not _that _guy. After all, they were _supposed_ to be together. _

"_No." He shook his head vehemently trying to convince his wife. "No. Peyton, my life is here with you and our daughter."_

_She breathed almost a sigh of relief. Of course Peyton had trusted his words. He learned a long time ago that Peyton had always believed his feelings for her were far superior to anyone else. _

"_I really hope you know that. Luke, I love you. We're us ya know? Everyone knows it. Hell, even Brooke did. It's why she broke up with you after I told her I loved you. Nothing can stand in the way of us right?" _

_She laughed softly at what she thought was a joke. But what came out of her mouth was anything but a joke to Lucas._

'_It's why she broke up with you after I told her I loved you' The words resonated in his mind._

"_What did you say?" Seriousness washed over his face._

_Her smile faded. "What?"_

"_Why did Brooke break up with me?" Lucas repeated once again. _

_In that moment, everything he had believed for seven years vanished. He was able to move on because he had held on to the supposed truth that she no longer loved him. But, if she did still love him then he let her get away. He lost Brooke Davis because of a misconception._

_Peyton looked shocked by his question. "Luke why does it matter?"_

"_Just answer the question." He said through gritted teeth._

"_I told Brooke I loved you at Nathan and Haley's rehearsal dinner. She broke up with you because she knew just as well as anyone that you loved me too."_

_Her words hit him like a ton of bricks. _

"_How could you be that selfish?"_

_Peyton clearly wished she could take her words back because she stood before him speechless._

"_Everything we have is based on a lie." He walked over to the letters and traced the words with him finger.  
"These meant everything to me. Brooke meant everything to me. You saw how hurt I was after she broke up with me and you still kept the truth from me. You manipulated me Peyton!"_

"_So" Her bottom lip quivered. "You do still love her."_

"_I never stopped! I learned to move on Peyton. I learned to open my heart again to you because I did love you and I knew I could make a life with you."_

_He cursed silently as he dropped the letter to the floor._

"_This" He motioned around the room. "Changes everything." _

_Lucas Scott was not the guy to walk out on his wife. But Peyton Sawyer was a liar._

_He turned to walk out of the room. _

"_Lucas!"_

_He turned around disappointedly._

"I'm Sorry." She said as if it were the only words she could think to say.

"_Me too." In a moment that felt like déjà vu, he nodded and left the room._

Walking over to the picnic table, he lifted up his divorce papers. The words nearly burned his eyes

His signature on the line made him feel weary of the next step in his life. He would be alone and responsible for allowing his daughter separated parents. He sighed as he regretted so much in his life.

"Thought I'd find you here." Looking up he saw his brother approach table.

"What are you doing here?"

Nathan pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans and a look of concern grew on his face.

"Luke, we're worried about you man."

Lucas held his hand up to signal for Nathan to stop.  
"Look man, not tonight."

"Then when Luke? When are you gonna do something about it?"

"Do something about it? What would you like me to do?" Lucas responded incredulously.

"Haley told me everything."

Lucas looked away and pursed his lips. What right did Haley have to tell Nathan?

"Sure, you had the balls to stand up to what Peyton did, but what are you gonna do about how you feel?"

Nathan looked him right in the eyes.

Lucas laughed bitterly.

"Nothing." He smiled sardonically but his true sadness was evident under his façade.

Nathan folded his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"Can I tell you something Luke?" He stopped waiting for Lucas to make eye contact with him.

Shuffling his feet a little, he pushed through with his conversation. "I've stood by your choices because I just wanted to be supportive of no matter what. But I think you can agree with me that your heart's been flawed ever since a certain girl?" Nathan raises his eyebrows to try to further prove his point.

"Now I'm not saying what Peyton did was right. She was wrong in every way man, but you hid how you felt. Yea, Brooke ran because of what Peyton said. But if you stuck around, if you made her see that she was only girl for you, maybe I wouldn't find you brooding at the river court."

"So what I am I supposed to do now?" Lucas looks up at him with broken eyes.

"Stop running. Face it. Do what you should have done then."

Nathan had said it so simply as if there were no obstacles.

"It's over." He shook his head with every ounce of pain he could muster. "She has Julian."

"You know, this is the only time I will _ever_ say this. But, screw it. I know Brooke man. Yea she loves Julian, just like you loved Peyton. She'll always love the guy but at the end of the day her hearts always belonged to one person. I'm not sure Julian or anyone else can change that."

"I want to. Believe me, every day I think about going to her house and telling her that I love her with everything in me. But how selfish does that make me?"

"It makes you a jackass." Nathan smiles and Lucas reciprocates. "But you have two choices. You can bury it and live your life. Watch her get married and have kids and know that you did the honorable thing by letting her be happy with another man. Or you can tell her how you feel. Maybe things don't work out or maybe you get everything you ever wanted and more."

The words hit Lucas as he realizes that people that are meant to be together always find their way in the end. The journey might be long and tedious. Pain and tears will come in the masses but in the end you have found a love that can make all the hardship become a forgotten feeling of the past.

"I gotta go man. Haley needs me to help set up for Jaime's party." Her turns and begins to walk toward his car.

"Nate."

Stopping in his tracks, Nathan turns slightly.  
"Thanks."

Nathan nods his head back toward his brother and points toward the hoop.

"Destiny's never wrong right?" He smiles and walks off leaving Lucas to think about the destiny shot that in his mind sealed who would always be in his heart.

-- Please Review! :)


	2. Before the Worst

"Luke, can you help me move this table by the pool?" Haley asked as he saw her visualizing what the party scene would look like.

"Sure."

Each of them grabbed the end of the table and walked in unison to carry the table.

Haley put her hands on her hips seemingly satisfied with the job she had done. Lucas giggled at his friend's meticulous organizing.

"It's good to see you smiling, Luke." She looked on at him with a small grin.

Her words left him with a distant memory.

"_Look at you." _

"_What?"_

"_Your smile. I missed it."_

Pulling him out of his reverie, he heard his best friend's voice once again.

"Peyton's coming with Sawyer, ya know. I hope that's okay." He noticed that with each word she seemed to be waiting for him to lash out at her for allowing his ex to come.

"It's fine. She should be here, and I haven't seen Sawyer for a few days."

"How is everything working out between you and Peyton?" She sat on the edge of the stone wall.

Taking a deep breath, he searched for the right words.

"Well, she's been great about letting me see Sawyer. But I just-" He paused as he tightens his lips debating with his feelings.

"I don't know how to feel. A part of me wants to be so angry with her. And hell I am. But at the same time, how can I blame her?"

"What do you mean?" Haley's voice was laced with confusion.

"I blame her because she confessed her feelings knowing full well the repercussions. How does it make me any different if I tell Brooke how I feel now?"

Haley frowned knowing exactly where he was coming from.

"That's a hard question to answer, Luke."

"I haven't slept for a week because all I can think about the pain I'll cause her because I put my feelings before hers or even Julian's. I blame Peyton because she pushed away the girl I was in love with. What if I'm the one who pushes the love of Brooke's life away? I can't be the guy who breaks her heart again. I just can't."

"There is a difference." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"How? Because I've spent the past three months since Peyton and I split trying to figure it out." His voice wasn't angry or frustrated, this time he only sounded tired.

Lucas watched Haley as she closed her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "Luke, I'm really not supposed to say anything."

"Hales, if you're not comfortable telling me whatever it is, it's fine." He put his arm around his arm trying to ease her.

Shaking her head vehemently, she turned to look at him.

"Luke, me telling you this goes against every girl code, but you need to know this."

His eyes furrow with curiosity and he nodded for her to continue.

"A few weeks ago, Brooke showed up here . I thought nothing of it, ya know. Brooke stops by all the time. But, I when I let her in she broke down."

His heart ached. The very thought of Brooke crying made him cringe.

"All she kept saying was that it's not fair and that it shouldn't be this hard. I thought she got in a fight with Julian so I questioned her about it. But, her tears had nothing to do with him."

"What do you mean Haley? His voice was just above a whisper.

"She was crying because you and Peyton were separated. The fact that you two aren't together anymore made her realize that she let you go for nothing."

Haley stopped and shrugged sadly as she put her hand on his knee. Lucas' jaw clenched as tears threatened in his eyes.

"Luke, she doesn't want to love you anymore, but she does. Julian or no Julian. There's your difference."

Swallowing at her revelation, Lucas brought his hands to his head.

"Ya know something? I used to lay awake at night when I was younger wondering how Dan could marry Deb knowing that he loved my mom. I just couldn't understand someone who didn't listen to their heart." He smiles sardonically. "Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, huh?"

Haley purses her lips realizing the full extent of the pain her best friend has been going through.

"Luke, you are not Dan."

"I don't know. I mean I lost the love of my life because I was too damn stupid to fight for it. So, instead of being man enough to admit it, I settled. You think I'd learn from his mistakes."

"You already have! Lucas, it may have taken Peyton slipping the truth for you to realize that you settled, but you _did._ You still have the chance to change."

"I just don't know when my life got this complicated." His voice was hoarse as a tear made its way down his face.

Actually, Lucas Scott knew the very moment his life changed.

"_Feel what change?"_

"_Everything. I mean how many moments in life can you point to and say that's when it all change? You just had one."_

Brooke Davis wouldn't only change the world, but she would forever change his.

His conversation with Haley had been cut short as the guests began to arrive. He did his best to muster up a smile. It was Jaime's day and he swore he'd make his best efforts to appear happy even if he had to pretend.

So, he stood there listening to Skills talk about his theory that Mouth was trying to push him out of the apartment so that he could "have time with his girl." But Lucas didn't focus much on the story. Instead, he nodded occasionally and sipped on his drink intently. His eyes continually landed on the main entryway making his heart beat a few extra beats.

"Luke?"

"Mhm?" He responded out of impulse.

"You ain't even listening to me, are you?" Skills voice became high pitched at the realization that his friend had been oblivious to his plan to stay put in his apartment.

"Yea, you, uhm, think Mouth wants you to move out."

"How 'bout all them other things I said?"

Lucas grinned as he watch the look on Skills' face.

"Cold man. Real cold."

He lifted his drink in Skills direction as he continued to smile. It was then that he felt a tap on his shoulder. Saved by the bell he thought.

"Hi." Her voice was vulnerable and filled with a nervous tone.

Or maybe he wasn't saved at all. He'd give anything to go back to listen to Skills talk now.

"Hi Peyton." He said as he tried his best to sound somewhat cordial.

"I'm just gonna go get a drink." Skills said as he immediately walked away from the two exes leaving them with an air of silence.

The awkwardness was put on hold when he spotted his daughter. He kneeled down and unbuckled her from her stroller. Lifting her into the air, he elicited a giggle from his baby girl. On his worst days, her smile was the only thing that could ease his pain.

"Hey baby girl." He said as he cradled her in his arms kissing her forehead.

"How you been, Luke?" Peyton said breaking the silence.

He wanted to laugh in her face. How the hell did she think he was?

"I've been better." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

She closed her eyes and folded her arms as her face was etched with pain.  
"Luke, I _am _sorry."

"Your only sorry you got caught Peyton. You would have content to live the rest of our lives knowing that our relationship is based on a lie." He realized his voice had gotten higher than he intended. "A lie-" He whispered ,"that changed my entire life!"

"I carry that guilt around with me every day. Luke, I-"

"Oh, excuse me. What a martyr you are."

"Okay, you have every right to hate me. But, at the time I was a seventeen year old girl who wanted to believe that maybe we still were that epic couple. It's all I had left. Was it wrong? Yea. But, you were always saving me and things with Jake hadn't worked out, and I just fell in love with the idea of us. People always leave, and I wasn't about to let you go."

He exhaled exasperatedly as he realized the implications of her confession.

"Do you even how selfish that is? You know that Brooke was so sensitive with our relationship to begin with. And you told her you loved me because you thought maybe I could ease that ache where Jake was? Hell, who knows maybe we both might turn out to be the fantasies we had of each other we were sixteen!" Caustic as it sounded, he didn't care.

"Lucas, I did love you. I do." She said as her eyes were large with the horror that this conversation may be in the earshot of the guests around them. Thankfully for her, it hadn't been.

"And so did I Peyton. But I was in love with someone else. It isn't your job to decide who's destined to be with each other." He held Sawyer closer to him as he thought of how deep this triangle really went.

"I know. It's just after a while I started believing my own lies. "

"We both did. Hell, I settled just as much as you did." Peyton may have been caught living in her own lies but so was he."

"I don't wanna lose you in my life. I know I screwed up but I-"

He tried to listen to her. He really did. But, nothing could take his concentration off the two people who walked into the room hand in hand.

Peyton stopped mid sentence and focused her sights in the direction of his eyes.

"She doesn't know, does she?"

He shook his head.

"I'm so sorry." She placed her hand on his forearm. "If I could take it back, I would."

He held the gaze into her solemn eyes that had once left him so captivated. What he had with Peyton would always be there. Maybe that had been their problem.

Lucas knew in time he would call Peyton Sawyer his friend again. They both made mistakes in regards to their heart. But for now they needed time to deal with the fall out. Her lie had aided in driving apart his relationship but he did nothing to change it. Brooke didn't just run because of her confession.

He fought back frustration as he thought back to a time when his heart's desire was clear. Now, she was standing next to another man. A man with a ridiculously goofy grin plastered on his face. And she returned the favor. He couldn't hide from Brooke forever, but he could tonight.

"Come on Sawyer. Let's go outside."

He needed fresh air or a bottle of vodka to get through this party. Maybe the first option was a better idea.

"Uncle Lucas, what are you doing out here?" Jaime slowly made his way toward his Uncle.

"Hey birthday boy." He rustled his god son's hair. "I was just showing Sawyer the view." Motioning toward the river in the distance, he smiled.

"Well, we're about to cut the cake!" Jaime replied with every ounce of enthusiasm in the world.

"We couldn't never miss the cutting of my nephews birthday cake!"

"Knew you couldn't resist." He giggled.

Laughing, he buckled Sawyer back into her stroller. "Come on, buddy. Push her for me, will ya?"

They began to make their way toward the house, and Lucas opened the door helping Jaime steer the stroller in.

Looking up, he was met by Nathan and Haley's ominous expressions in his direction. His heart sank.

Feeling as if he was walking toward his death, he walked into the kitchen to meet them. As he grew closer, the opposite side of the wall revealed a beaming Brooke and Julian.

Shit.

"Luke!" She hugged him and he stiffened as her body fit with his. "I missed you stranger."

"Me too." More than she could ever know.

"I'm really glad you're here now because we wanted to tell you guys something!"

His eyes danced back and forth between Nathan and Haley and Julian's hand wrapped tightly around her waist.

"We're engaged!"

Shot to the heart.

Guys I'm so sorry it took so long to update. Schools been crazy and I haven't had time to write a decent chapter. I promise I'll get back with the updates in the future!!

Review and it'll get up faster : )


	3. I love you more than I did before

_He rubbed his eyes tiredly and tries to remember a time when everything wasn't so hard. He knows the exact answer to that question, but that doesn't make this situation any easier. So instead, he does the only thing that's keeping him remotely sane, ignoring the situation all together. Tossing a few of his items in an open moving box, he realizes he spoke too soon. Leaning down, he traces the title letters of a certain book. _

_The Winter of Our Discontent._

_Running from her is turning out to be more difficult than he ever could have imagined. All of the sudden Brooke Davis was everywhere to him, or maybe she never really left in the first place. All Lucas knew was that none of the past seemed to matter to him because staring at this book now he knew exactly how he felt. But did it even matter anymore?_

"_Lucas." Her voice was full of panic, and he dropped his head to his chest. He wasn't sure he had another argument left in him. _

"_What is this?" The urgency in her voice pulls him out of his reverie. Standing up, he stares at the woman before him. She's changed so much since he had first fell for her. No longer was she enigmatic to him. Her blonde curls were replaced by a straighter look. Her concert tee's now sat in a box collecting dust in the back of their closet. She held Sawyer with a motherly tenderness at her hip. Standing here now, he felt such resentment toward her. Her lies haunted him. _

"_I'm not gonna argue with you." His voice was tired and it lacked any emotion. This past week had drained him._

"_What do you want me to do Luke? Sit back and let my husband walk out without a fight?" Tears were now streaming down her face, and it did break his heart. It killed him to see the state of their relationship now. Oh what a tangled web we weave.. _

"_I wouldn't walk out without a reason." He retorted quietly. _

"_I made a mistake! A mistake that I can't take back now. Please, don't compromise our family because of my mistake. Don't throw us away, Luke!" She was begging, no fighting, to keep their family together. _

_Sawyer's cried echoed through the room. _

"_Peyt, don't do this with Sawyer here." He took a few steps forward and did he best to console his daughter. The last thing he wanted was to ever bring her into this. Regardless of what happened, he knew in his heart that he and Peyton would do everything in their power to make her feel loved. _

"_Luke, what do you think is going to happen? She loves him you know. And he loves her. One day, they'll be engaged. Then what will you do?" _

_Looking up from Sawyer, her eyes met his. And for the first time all week, her words actually made him listen. They replayed over and over in his mind._

_What would he do if Brooke Davis went on to marry a man that wasn't him?_

He still didn't have an answer.

Instead, he was met with a paralyzing ache in his chest. He tightened his grasp on Sawyer's stroller exposing white knuckles. The room seemed to be closing in around him. His sights were focused on the dimpled smile emerging on the brunette's face which was met by Julian's own self pretentious smile. A smile that Lucas was coming to hate with every passing second. He noted how she moved closer to Julian's body nearly molding herself against his chest and how he lovingly held the small of her back. They looked happy…

A lump grew in his throat as he realized how badly he screwed up.

He never saved her…

"_Sometimes, I just wish you could rescue me."_

"_From what?"_

"_From all of it."_

"_Okay then, I will."_

He let her get away without a fight…

"_I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."_

"_Brooke. I'm sorry."_

"_Yea. Me too."_

He gave in to feeling with his mind rather than his heart…

"_I know I made the right choice."_

"_That's where they get you, thinking you have a choice. Love finds you, son. You don't find love. It's got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, what's written in the stars." _

He stared at her through teary eyes and wondered how he ever convinced himself that Brooke Davis wasn't the love of his life. Why had he always been so curious to pursue any unresolved feelings between him and Peyton? Why did he buy into the gimmick that he and Peyton were epic? Why had he been so complacent to settle?

A hand patted his shoulder and he immediately snapped out of his inner conflict.

"I'm so sorry, man." Nathan whispered and gripped his shoulder tightly.

"I fucked up." He barely choked out quietly and his bottom lip trembled.

"Luke-"

"She looks happy, doesn't she?" Cutting Nathan off, he watched as she beamed while showing off her ring to the group of friends that had surrounded her.

"Just as happy as you did with Peyton." Nathan shot back as he met Lucas' eyes.

Striking a nerve, Lucas closed his eyes.

"We can't keep going in circles. I lost a long time ago. I don't wanna take her down with me anymore." He inhaled sharply looking back over how much pain he's caused her.

"If you two were just honest with yourselves for two damn seconds, then maybe-"

"No more maybe's, Nate. She's engaged now."

Nathan opened his mouth to object, but stopped as Julian made his way over.

"I can hardly keep up with her right now." He laughed as he dug his hands in his pockets. "I don't even wanna know how much this wedding will cost."

"Better start saving now." Nathan smiled as he crossed his arms.

Julian looked over to Lucas whose eyes were focused on another conversation entirely. He followed his eyes and landed on his own fiancée. To most people in this town, Lucas and Brooke were just another high school fling. But Julian wasn't under any illusion that their relationship wasn't more meaningful than anyone might have given them credit for.

"_So then the last time that you were in love-" He said raising his eyebrows in disbelief. _

_She merely stood there pursing her lips together self consciously. He hadn't realized how after all this time this topic still made her so uncomfortable. _

"_Now I get it." _

"_Yea. It was a long time ago." Standing before him, was a very vulnerable Brooke Davis. And all the sudden, he realized that he saw this very same face before. Except it wasn't on Brooke's face, but Peyton Sawyer. He stared at her a final moment before turning his back to walk away. _

"_Where are you going?" She asked so angrily._

"_If you have more than one copy of Lucas's book , I'm out of here." Cheap comeback, he thought. _

"_Look I'm sorry if it's weird for you." Something about this retort bothered him. How could she be so blasé about this? He's been in love twice. And both relationships were haunted by Lucas Scott._

"_Do you still love him?" He challenged._

"_No." Simple enough right? His girlfriend was denying that she still loved Lucas. If that was enough, then why wasn't he convinced. _

Lucas shifted his sights toward the man he was supposed to resent. Truth be told, he had nothing against Julian. He was a genuinely decent guy. He knew that Julian loved her with his whole heart. He knew that he wouldn't take her granted even for one second. And maybe, that's why he did harbor any resentment toward Julian Baker. Because when it was all said and done, he _did _take Brooke for granted.

Holding his hand out toward Julian, he swallowed past the lump in his throat.

"Congratulations. Don't ever forget how lucky you are to have her." Maybe he was too transparent with his feelings when he spoke to Julian. But, he didn't really care. He needed him to know in some way that he needed to realize that Brooke Davis was the best thing that would ever happen to him. The day he forgot it, well, he would end up like the broken man standing before him.

Reciprocating his handshake, Julian smiled appreciatively. "Thank you, Luke."

"I better get going." He motioned toward his sleeping daughter. "I gotta get her to sleep. Would you uh," he struggled to find the words he was searching for, "tell Brooke how happy I am for her. Ya know she looks like she's in her element over there. I don't wanna interrupt."

Julian squinted for a moment. Lucas wasn't really sure what he was mulling over.

"You can't leave without saying goodbye."

And before he realized it, Julian had called Brooke over. And all the sudden, he was frozen in his position. In a matter of seconds, he would have to congratulate the woman he was in love with on her impending marriage to another man.

"Boys, I was just telling everyone how many carats this sucker is. This better be important." She smiled. It amazed him how after all this time her smiled still gave him the chills.

"I don't know about important," he said smiling shyly, "but I just wanted to congratulate you before I leave."

She smiled sentimentally.

Looking at her now, he felt like his voice could be his worst enemy. Because standing before her now, the only thing he really wanted to say was how much he loved her. How she couldn't marry Julian. How people that are meant to be together always find their way in the end. But he couldn't.

"I hope you find your happy ending, Brooke. Two boys and a girl and all." It nearly killed him to wish her the life

they had once spoken about sharing together. But despite it all, all he ever wanted was for her to be happy.

She tilted her head as her eyes became glossy with tears.

"Thank you, Luke." Before he could process it, she hugged him. He stiffened to her touch at first. Then he slowly

embraced her. Closing his eyes, he wondered if there would ever come a day when he would be able to hug her and not have his heart break. As they released each other, Julian wrapped his arm around her waist. This only served as a painful reminder that Brooke was no longer his.

Gazing into the eyes he knew so well, she just smiled sadly. The tears that by some miracle hadn't fallen felt as though they would come rushing at any moment. He needed to leave. He needed to stop staring at her…

"Luke, let me help you with this stuff." Nathan offered.

"Yea, yea, thanks."

He smiled tensely at Brooke. Bending down, he unlocked Sawyer's stroller and gathered some of her things. But, he never looked back. He rushed down the main entryway and out the front door. He stopped the stroller abruptly at his car, and finally all the tears he held back freely fell. He put his hands on his hips, and clenched his jaw thinking of how stupid he was. What did he really expect?

Forming his hand into a fist, he slammed the roof of his car. He put his hands on his head as he leaned against his car. He heard his brother hovering from behind. Lucas turned around and was met by sympathetic eyes.

"Dude, I'm so sorry."

Averting his eyes away from Nathan's, he kneeled down and disconnected Sawyer's car seat from her stroller. Nathan shook his head as Lucas ignored him and watched as he hooked the car seat in position.

"You can't ignore this, Lucas."

Softly closing the car door, he rubbed his fingers at his temples.

"I can do whatever I want."

"It's not what you want!" Nathan exasperatedly said slamming his arms against the sides of his thighs.

"You don't know what the hell I want." He hissed at his younger brother.

"You really amaze me, you know that? You've spent months walking around like a zombie because you're in love with this girl. And now what? You're just gonna give up?"

"Give up? Listen to you! Don't you dare tell judge me!" He pointed his finger in the face of his brother. "Yea, I chose Peyton. I fucked up, but you and every other damn person in this town never had enough to say about me and her. Brooke and I never stood a chance!"

Nathan took a step back and opened his mouth to speak but fell silent for a moment.

"You're right. When we were in high school, everyone aspired to having an epic love, you know? And on the outside you and Peyton had that. So maybe, I rooted for you guys. But then, we all grew up. I see now that love isn't a fairy tale. It's hard and you're always going to have challenges. You have to fight like hell some days to keep that love alive. I'm standing here looking at you all these years later and I get it. You and Brooke have been to hell and back. You've watched each other get engaged and married and have a child. Your lives have taken you in different directions. And despite it all, you're still in love with this girl. Man, that's gotta be more _epic_ than two people who have the same interests and saved each other."

Lucas looked to the ground as he felt his bottom jaw quiver.

"Nathan, she loves him." He said softly as his voice cracked. "I broke her heart and I swear I won't do it again."

"She does love him, but she's not in love with him."

"Brooke sat back and watched when I got engaged to Lindsay and Peyton. She was graceful and," He moved his hands trying to convey his emotion, "who would I be to break up her marriage?"

"Just the guy who she's in love with." Nathan smiled crookedly. "Look, if you don't do something, you're always going to regret it. All she ever wanted you to do was fight for her. Show her that it's not over. Show her that she's the one."

Swirling his keys in his hands, Lucas creased his eyebrows at this.

"_She's the one." _

"_Why?" _

"_She just is. I feel it. Ya know, Pascal says the heart has reasons that reason cannot know."_

He loved Brooke Davis. He was _in _love with Brooke Davis. And it _wasn't_ over.

Lucas extended his hand in the form of a fist to which Nathan reciprocated.

"Go enjoy the rest of your son's birthday, okay?" He smiled.

"I love ya, Luke. You're gonna get this right."

They went their separate ways as Lucas drove slowly away from the house. Nathan waved from the head of the driveway. He shook his head trying to grasp just how broken his brother was. He opened his front door, and as he stepped inside he rubbed his face tiredly.

And now he was in the clear, right?

"Nathan? What was that about?" Brooke said worriedly.

Wrong.


	4. A Message

Seconds passed as only silence filled the air. Her chest grew tighter as Nathan appeared to look like a deer frozen in the headlights.

She closed her eyes and swore under her breath. She's not sure what she scares her more: the way Lucas' words had affected her or how he nearly fought Nathan just moments ago.

And now the only thing she wanted was an answer.

"Nate? Can you explain to me what's going on?"

"What are you doing up here?" He asked apparently trying to buy time.

"He dropped this." She gestured a small stuffed animal toward him. "Guess he didn't notice since he bolted for the door."

"You know he's going through a lot right now." He shrugged unable to provide the truth.

"We've been friends for way too long now for that bullshit answer." Her tone wasn't full of anger or bitterness, but sadness.

Putting his hands in his pockets, he clenched his jaw.

"Brooke, I'm kinda up against the wall here. The answer you're looking for, well, I'm not the one who should give it to you."

She figured as much.

"Should I be worried, Nate?"

"I am." The vulnerability and sincere look of concern in his eyes nearly knocked the wind out of her.

As a stray tear made its way down her face, Julian and Haley began to make their way to the entryway. Wiping it away quickly and ignoring Nathan's looks, she smiled toward her fiancée.

"Hey." Her raspy voice was just above a whisper.

"Hi. It's getting late. Wanna go home?" Her squeezed her hand gently.

"Yea."

And when he smiled she remembered why she fell in love with him. He made her feel safe. He made her feel wanted. He opened her heart again to the possibility of love. Something she had given up on a long time ago.

She loved him. She knew that. However, she wasn't sure why she was so compelled to know the truth behind Lucas's behavior. The look in his eye had taken her back to another time. She couldn't quite shake that feeling.

"Let's go." She kissed Julian's cheek before turning to Haley.

"Thanks for the party, Hales. Jaime looked like he had the best time." Fake small talk would have to do for now.

"He did, didn't he?" She smiled at the thought of her son. "Let's do lunch soon? Catch me up on your trip to Colorado and the proposal?"

"I'd love to. Just let me know when."

"Okay. Well, we'll let you guys go. Congratulations again!"

As Haley hugged Julian, Nathan mouthed "you need to talk to him".

She shrugged lightly before Julian led her out of the house. And suddenly, her mind wasn't full of the joy of a newly engaged woman but it was clouded with confusion.

He's been standing here for seven minutes and still hasn't knocked. Turning to leave, he stops dead in his place. Just do it, he thinks. Taking a look at his sleeping daughter, he finally has the guts to knock on the door.

She opens the door distraughtly. She must have been asleep.

"Luke?" She seems to be sizing up the situation. "Are you okay? Is Sawyer okay?"

"Yea, she's fine." He looks down now slightly embarrassed for coming here.

"But, are you okay?"

He smiled weakly, and squinted as to avoid the burning sensation of holding back tears. He looked down and drew patterns in the ground with his foot before looking back up.

"Can I come in, Peyt?"

"Yea." She nodded solemnly while supportively squeezing his shoulder before he entered her apartment.

Lying in her bed, she sketched a design. She continued the pattern of shading just thinking about what Nathan had said.

"_Should I be worried, Nate?"_

"_I am." _

"You might draw right through that paper in a minute." He laughed sarcastically as he looked at her.

"I just zoned out I guess."

"Ya know, I was thinking we could go down to Wilmington soon. There are some gorgeous places on the harbor that allow for ceremonies. Maybe we could take a look. See if we like anything."

"Mhm."

She heard him scoff and turned to face him.

"Maybe this is just in my head. Maybe I'm completely off base. But, before we went to Nathan and Haley's you couldn't say enough about this wedding. We leave and suddenly you have no interest at all."

He pauses and purses his lips as he looks to be shuffling through his own thoughts.

"Now, I have a theory as to why. But, that would be crazy. Right?"

"You're wrong."

"Am I?" He wasn't giving up.

He was right. Brooke knew that, but hearing him acknowledge it stung. She didn't need to hear that the thing that scared her most may in fact be a reality. It couldn't be. Lucas loved Peyton. He had always loved Peyton. Whatever they were going through now, they were going to work it out.

"Julian, what is it exactly that you're trying to say?" She snapped back defiantly. It wasn't fair to him, but her stubborn nature got in the way.

"Shit, Brooke. What do you think I'm trying to say? You think I didn't see what happened tonight?" He raised his tone as he slammed his bed sheets down before standing up quickly.

"Nothing happened Julian! If you think Lucas has feelings for me then you're dead wrong!"

"How can you say nothing happened? I stood there. I saw it. Hell, when I walked over to him the guy looked like he might cry. He mumbled how I shouldn't forget how 'lucky I am to have you'." He mimicked Lucas's tone as he spoke.

She softened against her headboard as she mulled what Julian had just said.

"Then, he brings up two boys and a girl and you're a different person. But, it's all in my head. You're right." Rubbing his chin angrily, he stares desperately at Brooke.

"He doesn't love me anymore, okay?"

"Maybe you're right, but do you still love him?"

The question threw her off. It was a question she battled with over the years. Over time she had learned to accept that she would always love Lucas Scott.

"I love you."

He choked up as his eyes wandered the room.

"I'm just tired of wondering if that's enough." He lifted up his pillow as he stared contritely at her. "I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight."

"Julian?" Desperation filled her voice. She couldn't believe this was happening.

Before she knew it, he was gone.

"I just put her down." Peyton said as she folds her arms. "So, what's going on Luke?"

He can vividly remember the last time he had been this vulnerable toward her like it was yesterday.

"_I don't hate you." _

"_I remember the first time I ever saw you. All skinny arms and tangled mess of hair. It was hard letting you go, Peyton. Ya know, it was hard loosing you. It was hard seeing you again. And it's still really hard."_

"_I know. When I'm asleep I have this dream where we're back in that hotel room in L.A. and you proposed to me. And every single time I say yes."_

"_It's just a dream right?"_

"_It's my dream."_

Maybe that was the problem. It wasn't _his_ dream.

"I feel like I never talked to you about all of this. After everything we've been through I just need you to understand; to try to understand."

"Oh. Okay." Her voice was just above a whisper as the mention of them rehashing their separation seemed to be terrifying to her.

"I just need you to know none of this has been easy. It's all-"

"Hard." She finished his sentence as she smiled sadly.

"You a_re _my soul mate. And I've tried to fight it and I've tried to deny it. But, I can't. That's what has always made this so hard."

He wasn't sure if what he was saying was making sense to her. He wasn't sure she would ever understand his choices. But he needed to try. That was the one thing he was absolutely sure of.

He appreciated her silence. He needed an open platform to speak to her about how he felt.

"I misinterpreted what that meant. I learned that soul mates run deeper than love. It's about an everlasting friendship; a connection that no one can quite touch."

He was surprised by how calm he was. Lucas assumed it was because he was finally at peace with the decision he was making with his life.

"But, I'm in love with her. And I've tried to fight it and I've tried to deny it. I just can't anymore."

His words had come full circle. Hoping silently that that would resonate with her, her silence kept him hanging on for an answer.

"Then what are you still doing here?" She said with that southern twang he always loved.

"Before I can even think about going after her, I need to set everything in my life straight. You needed to know that I didn't choose any of this. Turns out I couldn't choose who I love."

"It's okay." A tear fell down her face and she through her hands up mocking herself.

He moved over to where she was sitting and hugged her tightly. All these years and this is what it came down to. She pulled away and held his hands.

"Looking back now, I wonder how I ever could have missed it." She flashed a smile. "The way you looked at her. There was this spark that reached your eyes when she was around. It was like your entire world lit up just because she was there." She averted her eyes from her as she looked down for a moment. "You never looked at me like that."

"I wanted us to work so badly." And he really did. He couldn't have asked for a more perfect girl for himself if he tried. Life's funny like that though.

"I know. Me too."

A light breeze blew in from her open window and stillness set in. They sat there speaking no words. But, it was no longer an uncomfortable silence like it had been earlier. It was now filled with serenity. Watching her now, he thought back to his relationship with Peyton. How she changed his life. How she would always be a part of it.

"So where do we go from here?"

"_First of all, you don't know me. Second of all, you don't know me."_

He smiled softly thinking back to the first time he talked to her. Maybe he didn't know her then, but he knew her now. Peyton Sawyer was beautiful. She was witty and daring. She was a fantastic mother to his child. She may be his very best friend. He never wanted to lose that.

"Oh, I'll be seeing ya. You can count on that."

And her smile let him know that everything would be okay.

Opening the door of his childhood home, he tossed his keys onto his desk. His bed seemed so appealing. It had been a long day. Actually, it had been a long six months…

He sat down behind his desk. Slouching into the chair, he sighed realizing it was three o'clock in the morning. His eyes stopped on a picture of Sawyer and Peyton. His mood suddenly lightened as he thought of his daughter. His and Peyton's situation might not be ideal, but he thanked God everyday that they shared Sawyer. He loved that little girl more than life itself.

His thoughts were put on hold as his cell phone lit up. The words "one new message" flashed across the screen. Opening his cell phone, he saw that it was from Brooke. His face went stone cold.

_Can you meet me at the river court?_

The words stared back at him idly. Something about the message left him with an unnerving sentiment.

But, before considering the situation, his message was sent.

_I'll be there in 5 _

The drive felt like a blur. He's honestly glad that the roads were clear because he was in no state of mind to be driving. The gravel cracked lightly under his tires as he pulled into the park residing next to the court. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel when he saw her sitting on the picnic table. She was dressed in a pair of black yoga pants and a plain white tee. Her hair tied loosely into a pony tail. He swore he was looking at the Brooke Davis he knew in high school.

Brilliant…

Beautiful…

Brave…

He tapped lightly on the wheel to coincide with his nerves. Then, he got out of his car slowly. The walk from his car to the picnic table couldn't have been more than twenty feet. But, it felt like years. Cliché as it may sound.

"Hi."

She nodded to herself mulling over what she would say next.

"Can I ask you a question? And I want you to skip past the bullshit." She cut right to the point. He hadn't really expected her to question him so quickly. Or maybe he had…

"Okay."

"Why did you and Peyton divorce?"

He knew the question would be discussed at some point. He'd be an idiot to not expect it. But, everything he knew was slowly leaving his mind.

"We've been separated for six months. Why are you asking me this now?"

And something inside of her clearly snapped.

"It could be because my fiancée isn't talking to me and resorted to sleeping on the couch. Or maybe because you walk into my engagement announcement looking like you've seen a ghost!" She's screaming by this point and he realizes the extent of what tonight really is. "So, _please_," she emphasized the word through a tearful gasp, "explain to me why."

He rubbed the back of his neck. This was it. All inhibitions were about to be left behind.

"Peyton found the letters you wrote me."

"Why does she care?"

"She didn't. But, I cared when she slipped how she told you she loved me during senior year."

The dull sound of the adjacent river and the chirps of crickets were the only noises to be heard.

"Why do you care?" Her bottom jaw quivered as she asked the question.

"Because I'm in love with you." Point blank. If she didn't want the bullshit, well then here it was: the truth.

He noticed an entire change in her demeanor. Her eyes changed from hard to helpless. Her walls were down.

But, the fire in her eyes returned just as quickly as it had left.

"Six years." She laughs bitterly. "You spend six years going after Peyton." She utters Peyton's name with malice. "And, you decide to tell me this now? Now, that I'm engaged!"

"You think I want to feel this way? I _hate_ how much I love you! I want to love Peyton_ so_ bad. We have a family. We have a life together for Christ sake!" And now he was angry. The second she brought up Peyton it had struck a nerve. It had been the down fall of their relationship and he'd be damned if that was the reason she walked away from him again.

"Let's just say that's true. You walked away from me the night of the state championship game and right into her arms. You walked away from your marriage to Lindsay and into an engagement with Peyton. You don't love me, Luke! You just want what you can't have."

It was like the words took every last bit of energy out of her. Before him stood a vulnerable girl he once knew.

_I don't like you guys to see me like this: vulnerable._

_It's how I always see you, Brooke. And I think it's kinda beautiful._

"If I don't tell you the truth, I might not ever get the chance. When you broke up with me, I didn't fight for you as hard as I should have. But, I _did_ fight. And for two months the only thing I saw was the cold shoulder. And when the person you love turns you down time and time again, yea, you learn to move on. That night at the game, I had accepted that you didn't love me anymore. But, Peyton did. So, I walked away. I was eighteen and,"

"We're all adults now, Luke! You made a conscious choice to ask Peyton to marry you!"

Staring directly into her eyes, he shrugged slightly.

"I can remember the night I proposed to her like it yesterday. Every thought. Every moment. And, I'm sitting there in the terminal trying to figure it all out. I fell asleep for maybe a few minutes. And, I can't explain what happened next. But, I know that it _did._"

It may have been a dream, but it was _his_ dream.

"I'm dreaming, and these three lives flash before me. With Lindsey, it's easy. We're happy, but she's the safe choice. Peyton and I love each other. But, it's almost like I'm convincing myself that this is the life I want. And, then there's my life with you. It isn't this perfect fantasy life like the other two. It doesn't seem to matter though. Because, despite it all, we're in love. Three choices. All I have to do is follow my heart."

"You chose Peyton."

The momentum of the story had suddenly crashed. She dispelled it quickly.

"I chose you." He responded adamantly. "When I woke up, it scared the hell out of me. I tried to just dismiss it as a dream, but it wasn't just a dream. If anything it reawakened everything I was running from. All I could see was that night we fell asleep together with Angie on the couch. That was the life I wanted. I just,"

He found himself gesturing his hands to try to find the right words.

"Scared isn't even the right word for how I felt. I couldn't even process loosing you again."

"So, you decided to throw away any chance we might have had by calling Peyton instead?"

"I fucked up. I made a mistake. I'm not asking you to forget that. I'm asking you to not make the same mistake I did." And he finally lost it. As tears slowly made their way down his face, he took a step toward her and grabbed her hands. He was surprised when she didn't pull away. "Please don't marry him, Brooke."

She breathed out slowly as she tried to contain her emotions. She was failing.

"No. No, Lucas!" She pulled her hands out of his grasp and took a step back. "I was in love with you! I was _praying _ you would somehow love me more than here. Instead, I watched as you proved me right when you walked into Peyton's arms that night. I walked in on you two having sex! I fucking had to read your book claiming that you were always in love with her and that everything else had just been your own denial! That's all I was to you, Luke?"

She's hysterically sobbing now. She bridged the distance between them. Her fists collided with her chest as she took out her frustration.

"No, no!" He tries to grab her hands to calm her. The only thing he wanted to do was hold her in his arms.

"Let go of me!" She chokes through her tears. "You lost that chance. You married Peyton and you forgot all about me!"

"That's not true!"

"Really? Where were you after I was attacked in my store? Where were you when I was so depressed that I couldn't even get out of bed? I found out I can probably never have kids. Where were you then?" Her voice nearly gave out as she openly admitted all the things that haunted her.

He squinted trying to process what he had just heard. His heart felt like it might literally drop out of his chest. Nauseous teased him. His head was spinning.

"I was supposed to save you." Any composure he had held up until this point was gone. The tears refused to stop falling.

He stared at a recycling sign that had been placed next to the picnic table. His blood was boiling as he weighed how angry he was at himself. Balling his hand into a fist, he punched the metal sign, again and again.

The throbbing pain in his fist was nothing compared to how he felt. He flexed his pulsating hand. She placed his hand in between hers.

"I knew something was wrong. The way you were acting. I knew you didn't fall down the steps. I never asked because I was afraid of the answer. I knew that if I heard you admit that someone," he grimaced at the thought of someone hurting her, "attacked you, I would have lost it. Brooke, I," He can't finish because his tears silence him.

"I know." She rubbed his hand soothingly.

He pulled his hand back slowly and brought it to her stomach. She flinched at his touch. He hadn't touched her in so long.

"When did you find out you can't have kids?" He whispered. Learning of her attack had angered him. It made him want to find whoever did that to her and hurt him as much as he possibly could. But, learning that Brooke couldn't have children just broke him. Brooke was _supposed _to be a mother. It was her dream. And it was taken away from her.

"About a month before you and Peyton separated."

"I'm _so_ sorry."

She didn't say anything.

"Hey." He said weakly as he grabbed her chin. Their lips came crashing together. Their tears collided. And if for just one second, they were one again.

She stepped back all the while keeping her eyes closed.

"I can't." She shook her head as her eyes were dark with despair.

"Do you love me?" His eyes pleaded with her for the truth.

"I'm marrying Julian."

"Tell me you don't love me, Brooke. Tell me he makes happier than I ever did. And I'll walk away."

"We all made our choices, Luke. I can't do this."

_I can't do this anymore. _

She turned to walk away. Darkness was closing in around him.

"Brooke!"

Her body froze, but she never turned back around.

"I won't back down! Not this time."

She made her way to her car. He watched as her tail lights drifted further and further away. And then he was alone.


	5. Sad Serenade

He blinks past his glazed eyes everything around him felt so surreal. He couldn't even bring himself to shift his body position on the wooden picnic table that had left him sore from a night of lying on top of it. Replaying the previous night's events in his mind, he almost felt like he deserved to sit there in pain.

_"Really? Where were you after I was attacked in my store? Where were you when I was so depressed that I couldn't even get out of bed? I found out I can probably never have kids. Where were you then?"_

And once again he was reduced to tears. The entire night proved to be one repeated cycle of him replaying "could have, would have, should have" in his mind about the past years. He laid on the wooden surface nearly numb at the idea that Brooke had experienced so much devastation and he wasn't there to save her. He failed to live up to the promise he made to her years ago.

_"Sometimes I just wish you could rescue me."_

_"From what?"_

_"From all of it."_

_"Okay, then I will."_

Blinking harshly, he was interrupted from his thoughts by the sound of crushing gravel. Someone was here. He sat up eagerly as a lump formed in his throat at the realization of who the visitor was.

He watched as the man shut the door of his truck and walked towards him with calculated steps. The two men stared at each other for a moment before either spoke. They both sought one common thing: Brooke.

"I uh… Brooke didn't come home last night. She texted me and said not to worry, but I know better than that." Julian clears his throat before blinking quickly past a tear. "She comes here sometimes and I just thought…"

"I'm sure she's fine."

"I'm not an idiot, Lucas. She was here, wasn't she? The least you could do is be a man and admit it to me."

His eyes danced attempting to look anywhere but into Julian's eyes. Because the truth was when he looked into Julian's eyes it was a painful reminder that Brooke had someone who was fighting to keep her. It was a painful reminder that she was no longer his.

"She came by last night, but she's been gone for hours."

"What is it that you're trying to do, Lucas?" Julian smiled sardonically as he shook his head. "You broke her heart. You married her best friend, and you think you can give a Lucas Scott speech and that takes away all these years? She's happy, Luke. We're happy."

"Julian…"

"No, Lucas! You sat on this exact bench and told me that if I didn't try with Brooke I'd be an idiot! _You_ said that, and I did that!" Julian rested his hands against his hips and he look down bearing a broken expression. And in that moment the only thing Lucas could ever begin to resent him for was that Julian was fighting for Brooke Davis, and he never did.

"And I was right, wasn't I? You'd have to be a complete idiot not to fight for Brooke Davis. I didn't take my own advice. It might be seven years too late, but I swear to God I won't make that mistake again."

The air between the two men had suddenly changed.

"I just can't keep running from this. I'm not asking for your blessing. Frankly, I wouldn't give it to me either. But, I always played by the rules of what everyone thought I should do. I'm not doing it anymore."

"Right, so you mean played by the rules when you cheated on her. Or when you kissed Peyton in the library that day?"

Low blow.

"We all make mistakes. Yours was name Alex, right?"

Julian's face contorted at his response, and he couldn't help but feel bad. He was telling this man that he was going to do everything in his power to win his fiancée back. Julian had every right to spew whatever insult he wanted to throw at Lucas.

"Look, Julian I respect you. I think you're a great guy. Maybe that's why I hate you the most. You haven't taken Brooke for granted and you asked her to be yours forever. You love her unconditionally. All I want for her is to be happy. If that's with you, then I'll back off. I'll know in my heart that she has someone who will always love her in the way she's always deserved to be. But if there is even one part of her that doubts it, I'm sorry. I just can't let her get away again."

"I know she loves me." He looks up and takes a long, drawn out breath. "I'm just not sure that's enough. If it was, I wouldn't be here right now."

"Julian," he shakes his head as he searches for words.

"I understand what you're doing. I'm just asking that if you love her… let her go." He nodded his head in Lucas' direction before taking a step backwards and heading toward his car.

As he watched the car retreat in the distance, Lucas pulled his keys out of his pocket and made his way toward his own car.

A lone rain drop fell onto her cheek as she could hardly decipher it between the tears that had seemingly continued to fall from her eyes all night. She ran her fingers through the sand that surrounded her as she fought past the numbness consuming her. Thunder roared throughout the sky, but it didn't deter her from her place on the beach.

She shouldn't have come here. Everywhere she looked she was reminded of him.

_"Is this beach taken?"_

_"Plenty to go around."_

_"Don't worry I won't ask if you're okay."_

_"Good."_

_"Know any good jokes?"_

_"You're looking at one… Why does everybody lie? You know the bad guys lie to get in your bed, and the good guys lie to get in your heart. And I'm the idiot for falls for it every time."_

_"Brooke you are not an idiot. Not even close. You know who you are. Most people don't. You know, I mean, that's why they lie. They're afraid people might find out who they are before they figure it out themselves."_

Lightning crashed behind the dunes, and she continued to remain rooted firmly in her place as she gazed off into the distance.

_"You got a second?"_

_"Sure. What's up?"_

_"I'm the guy for you. I know we're just part time and that's cool. Do whatever. Have your fun, but one of these nights you're going to realize it. I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis. You'll see."_

The skies seemed to open up as the rain fell with fervor, but she refused to move. Her bottom jaw quivered as her mind proved to be her worst enemy.

_"Why do you care?"_

_"Because I'm in love with you."_

She was pulled out of her thoughts by hands that firmly took a hold of her shoulders.

"Brooke! Brooke, what are you doing out here? When you called, I didn't think…"

Haley is screaming over the rain as she stares at her with concern growing on her features. She wraps her arms through her own as she pulls Brooke to her feet ushering her off the beach. As she walked off the beach, she knew that this storm was the least of her problems.

The sound of a frazzled Haley pulls her out of her seemingly never ending teary haze as she looks up to see her friend holding large, cotton towels.

"Brooke, you need these." She wraps the towels around her shoulders as she looks compassionately at her friend. "And then you need to tell me what's going on."

"You knew how he felt, didn't you?" Her voice gave up as she stared up at her best friend with pleading eyes. Haley can only nod meekly as she stares at her best friend her eyes desperately searching to give her friend some form of solace.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"It wasn't my place. For once, he needed to do something on his own. People pushing him is what started this whole tangled web."

"Do you know the real reason I came home, Haley?"

Her friend furrowed her eye brows as she watched her friend nearly unravel before her eyes as she rested her hand on top of hers.

"You wanted a baby."

"I came home because I sold my soul in New York. The night of Lucas' book release in New York he drunkenly tried to kiss me, and I went home and told my mom that I wanted to expand the company. I needed to forget it because if I allowed myself for even one second to think of what happened I would've been the same girl I was trying so hard to run away from; the sad story of a girl who loved a boy who could never love her as much as she loved him. And then I realized that the company didn't mend my broken heart, it just made me numb to it. I came home because after four years I still loved him. I could never run away from that. But, there was no doubt in my mind or anyone else's that he loved Peyton. And then, by some sort of miracle, I met Julian. And… I found this man who loved me and whose eyes lit up when he saw me and whose arms I felt safe in. I found someone who I loved. So, why does he have to do this now?" She broke down at her own words and sobbed into her friend's shoulders. Haley grabbed her shoulders and she forced her to look her in the eyes.

"Brooke, listen to your own words. There was no doubt in your mind or anyone else's that he loved Peyton. What about his?"

"Please don't defend him…" She shook her head defiantly at her friend.

"I'm not! I'm not defending him, but as a friend to both of you it hurts me to see both of you like this. I see two people who are just breaking down in front of me. And so I sit back and say to myself, if they didn't love one another would it really hurt this bad? Would he _ever_ go through with a divorce and separate a family if he for one second didn't think that he loved someone else? Would I have to physically remove my crying friend from the beach in the pouring rain if whatever confession he gave to you didn't evoke something in your heart?"

She averted her eyes away from Haley's knowing that she couldn't bear to look into her eyes.

"I'm not telling you to do anything other than follow your heart, Brooke."

"I don't know if I can ever look at him that way again. Actions speak louder than words. And his actions always proved what he felt whether he admitted it or not. He had a knack for saving everyone, but me. I'm not sure he ever truly loved me." She shrugged attempting a tightlipped smile but failed miserably as she fell into a fit of sobs. "Julian's at home and…"

"Hey, sweetie. Come here." Haley pulled her into a hug while brushing through her hair with her fingers in an attempt to console her friend. "I'll take you home to him if that's what you want. But for the record, you and I both know that what you just said was total crap."

She walked out of the speechless at the scene she just witnessed. She could count on one hand the times she's seen Brooke Davis cry. The broken girl from moments ago seemed to be a complete stranger compared to the strong girl whose shoulder she had turned to time and time again in her own weaknesses. Brooke Davis was the girl who she turned to. And what she just saw scared the hell out of her.

As she rounded the bend connecting the kitchen to the entryway of her home, she was met by Nathan.

"Hi. I…" She threw her hands up as she shook her head sadly.

"I know. Let me take her home, okay?"

"Nathan, I'm her best friend. I should take her."

"I know that, but please just let me take her home." She stared up at her husband's pleading eyes as she apprehensively nodded.

The car came to a stop as he grabbed the shift placing the car in park. He bit his bottom lip searching for the right words after a silent car ride.

"Ya know, it tends to be swept under the rug that I've known you the longest." He nudges her arm with his elbow playfully and for a moment he swears he sees a shadow of a smile on her face. "I knew you before Peyton and everyone and I have seen you from a kid who became a teenager and then an adult. So, I just may know you better than anyone. And I heard what you said to Haley about Lucas never saving you." He sighs as he sees her look out the window and he reaches out and places his hand on his arm as she turns around to look at him.

"Sure, Lucas saved Peyton from the school that day and he ran into Dan's dealership to pull him from that fire, but he would have done that for _any_ of us. That's just the kind of person he is. But, I watched Lucas Scott save you from yourself when it seemed like no one else could. He took a girl who hid behind sex and drinking and helped her to see that she was so much more than that. He saved you whether you want to admit that or not. And to me that outweighs any other heroic actions he's ever done."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Julian opening the front door of his and Brooke's home closing his cell phone as he approached the car.

"Hey." He spoke quickly to beat Julian. "Don't look for excuses to hide from how you feel. If you need anything, call me."

Her eyes remained locked on his as Julian opened the car door.

"Brooke!" He helped her out of the car as he wrapped his arms around her. "Nate, thank you for bringing her home."

He waved in acknowledgement as he looked back to Brooke and tried to telepathically transport all the words that were left unsaid. As Julian ushered her inside, he saw her turn around to look at the car one more time before her figure retreated into the home and he put the car into reverse and drove away. And then he dialed the very familiar number that belonged to his brother.

She listened as the door closed behind her as she kept walking keeping her back to him.

"I'm sorry. I just needed some alone time. I know that wasn't fair to you but…"

"You're right. I would definitely constitute my fiancée disappearing for eleven hours with no explanation as to why unfair."

She _hated _what she was doing to him right now. She had been there. She knows how bad it feels to think that the person you love is with someone else. So, why was she doing it now?

"I'm so sorry."

Despite it all, it seemed like those were the only words she could offer. He laughed humorlessly before looking away from her.

"I asked you once if you still loved him, and you told me no. And I took that and even though I didn't fully believe it those words gave me the okay to fall completely in love with you and not look back. And now all the sudden, I've been forced to look back. Brooke, I proposed to you because I _am _in love with you and I want to build this beautiful life with you."

"I love you, too."

"I know you love me, Brooke. I do. But, I need to know if you're as in love with me as I am with you. And all night I battled with this and I think I know what I need to do."

"Julian…"

He walked closer to her as he took her hands in his own.

"I know this is your home and I always intended to stay here with you. But three weeks ago, I was offered a directorial position for a really great script that I turned down because it was in L.A. After this, I think maybe we should go. I don't know if I can live in the same town as him. Not now."

Choking out a sob, she tried desperately to find the light in his eyes, but all she saw was a broken man before her.

"It doesn't have to be forever, Brooke, but if you're in love with me, then you'll come."

14 hours. 14 hours ago she had been in Nathan and Haley's home beaming as she showed off her engagement ring with her entire future planned in her mind. 14 hours was all it took for Lucas Scott to open up Pandora's Box. And 14 hours later, she wasn't sure what would happen next.


End file.
